To Speak, If Only
by Allen Bedillion Trahurn
Summary: An extension of the end of Shinzune's story. When Hisao finally reveals his true feelings, Shizune has him meet her on the roof of the school.


_To Speak, If Only_

A.B.T.

Snap. With that the picture was taken, and the three of us dropped our poses immediately. In the back of my mind I felt kind of silly with it, but that didn't really matter.

"Well," says Misha, loud as always. A wide smile was plastered on her face, and her hands were moving with each word. Even though it's been this long and I feel like I should be used to it, it still amazes me that she can sign and speak so easily. I can already tell that she'll do great as a tutor.

"I've gotta go get some stuff done! Bye!" she says, tone almost ten times as cheerful as it normally is, and with that she's gone, bouncing away without another word and leaving me standing with Shizune.

Shizune.

It strikes me as somewhat odd how the name affects me now. Not long ago it would have been nothing more than a name. But now...

A tap on my shoulder brings me from my reverie, and Shizune is staring at me with a small, if somewhat annoyed, smile. Her hands move with the speed and dexterity I have come to expect from her.

[You said something just before we got our picture taken.]

[Yeah] I sign back, and I can tell that she isn't satisfied with that answer. Her motions are only slightly more harsh, as if she were trying to reprimand me, and when she stops she crosses her arms, peering at me over her spectacles and waiting for me to respond. My hands are still for a moment, though I'm not sure why I would hesitate now, of all times. It had been easy before, when I just blurted it out. Or maybe that was the reason why – because I had said it. Not signed it. Deep down I know she must have known that it was directed at her, and that it was something short.

Would she expect me to say it?

Should she?

My hesitation dies almost as soon as it had come up, however, and with slow signs, making sure I say it exactly right and don't screw it up, I tell her.

[Well...I said...I love you.] The look on her face is a complicated one, shooting from confusion (probably from the slow way I signed my words) to elation to doubt in a matter of seconds.

Silence, aside from the busy people around us. Shizune's eyes drop and she shifts her weight from one foot to the other, then back again. She rubs her hands together nervously, as if for once she has nothing to say. Finally, after what seems like an eternity but is in reality only a few seconds at most, she replies.

[I...I need to go.] Her hands are quick, and though she hides it well with her movements I can see the slightest of shakes in them before she's gone. I debate going after her for a moment, and in that moment I lose my chance. Disheartened and suddenly feeling incredibly alone, I decide I should probably go and pack.

**. . . **

Slowly and without much enthusiasm, I pick up and shake one of my several pill bottles, listening to the rattle it makes before depositing it in a small medical bag I had been given by the nurse at the beginning of my stay at Yamaku. I hadn't thought it would be much use then, in all honesty. But look at me now. I sigh and frown, placing the bottle inside the bag before flopping down on my bed, taking all the work I had done before hand in straightening up the sheets and tossing it out the window.

I don't think I could make myself care even if I tried. Shizune's reaction was stuck in my head like a catchy tune, but it wasn't anywhere near as pleasant. Was I wrong in telling her how I felt? Or was I wrong about how she felt? I thought I had it down, but apparently I was way off the mark. Either way, her reaction was more than enough to tell me what she thought. I can't help but feel bitter about it, but at the same time I can't tell what I should do.

"I should go after her," I say, to the room more than anyone else, but I have trouble believing it. I close my eyes and sigh. I let the silence enclose me, not a sound reaching me, even from the open window. A soft breeze blows in and a strand of hair brushes against my nose. I can feel myself starting to doze, and I wonder if this is how Shizune sees the world – nothing but the sensation of something on her skin, without making a sound. I can't help but smile, picturing her in this kind of relaxed situation. I wonder if she has ever really relaxed at all.

_Brrrt. Brrrt._

My cell-phone, forgotten in its place on my desk, manages to bring me from my musings and make me sit up with a start in the process. I close my eyes again and hold a hand to my heart. No pain, and I begin to relax as it slows to normal. I look over to my phone and flip it open, seeing that I have one new text message. I raise an eyebrow at the sender, as well.

From: Shizune Hakamichi

Hello, Hisao. Listen, we need to talk. It's important. Could you meet me on the roof of the school at 5?

The message is unsettling. To send a text message is something decidedly uncharacteristic of Shizune, and her wording is vague at best. Not to mention, the words "we need to talk" are, as I have come to understand, never something good. I can practically feel myself frowning, and it only deepens at the prospect of what this could mean. I look over to my alarm clock. 3:04. I've got a while, and I question whether or not I should even do it. The first thing that comes to mind is that she wants to call it quits, and she wants to do it in person. At least, I suppose, she values me enough to say it to my face. I close my eyes and stop myself from thinking any farther into it. No need to make myself any more upset than I am. Or than I will be.

**. . .**

I find myself standing stock-still outside of the door that leads to the roof proper. My breath is catching slightly in my chest, and I realize that maybe taking the steps up two at a time wasn't the best idea. I check the time on my phone, noting that I've got maybe three minutes before she expects me to be there. I think for a moment that maybe I should just wait and be a little late, but I don't see the point. If anything, she would just be upset with me for being tardy. I take a deep breath and push open the door.

The light of the now setting sun blinds me for a moment, but only that. I raise an arm to block it, and when my eyes adjust I see Misha and Shizune standing near the fence. They both seem surprised to see me. Shizune signs something quickly to her companion and Misha replies in kind before walking away, toward me and, ultimately, past me. She flashes a small smile as she does so but it doesn't seem genuine. I watch her pass, the door latching shut with some sort of finality before I hear a loud snap of the fingers, something that I'm fairly certain only Shizune can manage. I turn, eyes on her. Surprisingly, she doesn't look mad at me at all. Actually she seems...

Nervous?

This is something entirely unlike her, and I'm actually taken aback. Wind blows and makes her short hair flutter about her face lightly, and she's holding her hands in front of her, rubbing them together as she had earlier in the day. She keeps her eyes down, avoiding my gaze. I step forward, and her eyes flick up for a moment before going back to the loose-stone roof.

[Shizune...what is this about?] She doesn't answer, but fidgets a bit more. Her eyes come up to mine again.

[Shizune?]

[Give me a second.] she signs back, almost before I can even finish. Feeling disheartened, I let my hands fall limply to my sides. She raises her hands to sign something, but stops and shakes her head. The look on her face says she's debating with herself on how she should proceed, and I feel whatever hope I had dry up like a puddle in the sun. I close my eyes and clench my fists, waiting.

"Hisao."

The word, hell just the very sound of it, hits me like the Shinkansen. The pronunciation was off, but only just so, and the sound of the voice that spoke it was barely a whisper an a bit strained, as if coming from one not used to speaking. I open my eyes slowly, not entirely sure if what happened actually happened. The entire situation is so surreal, and I almost feel like I'm floating. Shizune's gaze is locked on the ground, her brow furrowed in concentration, and suddenly Misha's presence not long ago makes such clear sense. Her words echo through my mind.

_ "I'll tutor you~!"_

It really does make sense, when I think about it. If she can tutor me in sign language, why couldn't she do the reverse for Shizune? And that brings up another thought – if Misha was up here for that (though I can't be sure about that), then that means that Shizune must have wanted her to do it. Does that mean that she is trying to learn to speak...for me?

[Shizune, I] I start to sign, but she closes the distance between us and grabs my hands, letting out a long shush. I can't help but find it kind of funny, but I keep myself from laughing and instead look down into her eyes. She looks at me, unblinking, though I can still see that look of concentration on her face is still there. She pulls in one long, shaky sigh and releases it, but her eyes never leave mine.

"I..." she starts, getting the syllable out without too much trouble. However, she begins to stumble with the next words, trying but unable to make the words happen. A blush spreads on her cheeks and she squeezes my hands a bit in her frustration. I go to pull them back and tell her it's all right, but she holds them tighter and flashes me an angry look.

Another shaky sigh.

"Hisao...I..lo...I love you...too." Again, the pronunciation is a bit off, and the whispered voice, unused to speaking, is strained, but there's no way the words can be mistaken. She tilts her head forward, as if relieved, and she lets out a slow breath before her eyes dart back up to me, expectant.

Expectant of what?

Does she expect me to say it to her? She wouldn't understand me if I just said it, and her grip hasn't loosened on my hands at all. Her palms are kind of clammy and I realize how much of herself she's bearing to me here. I realize suddenly that this isn't just her reciprocating my feelings. This is **her.** For the first time, I am actually seeing her and not the cool facade she always has. I'm touched.

But I have no words. Her eyes still bore into mine, and her bottom lip is caught between her teeth in a way that I find both exciting and adorable. She loosens her grip on my hands, perhaps suddenly realizing that I need them to answer her, but as I pull them away I get another idea. With my hands free, I wrap my hands around her waist and pull her closer.

"Hisao?" she says, the inflection of the question perfect, as if she had been practicing. I take one more moment to look into her eyes before pulling her forward and kissing her. She accepts it, muscles relaxing as she all but melts into my embrace. When we finally separate, her eyes are glazed and her cheeks are rosy. I release her so that I can sign.

[ So this was what you wanted to talk about?] I ask, and she signs back quickly.

[Of course. Did I surprise you?]

[Well yeah] I answer as we walk back to the fence lining the outer perimeter of the roof. A smile plays on her lips. Her hands fall to her sides, the one closest to me deigning to take my hand into it as we look at the slowly setting sun together.

In the end, I can't say how our future is going to be. Shizune is dead set on her future. And me? Well, I can't say I'm not. What I can say is, though, is that, for now, our future is looking bright.


End file.
